The Other Hampton Woman

Let me start off by saying that I do not hate Hampton. I gave HU a real chance. I tried to make it my Home By the Sea as much as possible and it simply wasn’t for me. I would never try and make anyone alter their view or feelings towards the school. This is simply my experience and my truth. 

I went to HU as it's biggest fan, no one could tell me that Hampton wasn't the real HU. No one could try and make me choose another school. I stood by my decision and did so up until 

Let me paint this picture as precise as possible. 

I had a big group of friends (or associates), thanks to a group message made over the summer. I will always love the bond that The Obamas (that's what we called ourselves) had leading up to us being on campus and the first month we shared together on campus. We tried to make sure we did everything together (breakfast, lunch, Ogden meetings, Harbor parties..you name it). We were always together or not too far from one another. It wasn't until I met my Fantastic 4 and my literal soulsister, Q, that I felt like I was at home. I had it all; friends, good grades, great social life, freedom, and just all out fun. What I failed to keep in perspective was that college was like being thrown into the deep end of a pool and the people around you are expecting you to not drown. 

I had just started texting someone new on campus and him being decently cute was a plus. I’m shy by nature. I don’t have the Hampton woman flare. I don’t have heels in my normal rotation of shoes. On a campus full of the next Naomi Campbells, I was a Jasmine Sullivan (no shade to myself cause I’m poppin'). My point here is that I was underrated, so someone taking interest in me caught me off guard. 

Back to this boy. We met in my history class and he only got my number for studying purposes—or so I thought. We shared a few messages here and there about class and then he began to show interest in me. I remember him calling me saying, “I want more. I want us to be more. I think you’re so beautiful”.  Before this dreaded Tuesday, he let me know that he was in a “drought”. My immediate response was “what a tragedy”. I had no interest in sex. I didn’t go to school hoping for a boyfriend. Sex wasn’t my focus and I wasn’t going to break the promise I kept with God for some random boy’s “drought”. 

September 27th, 2016.. I drowned. 

What I have to remind myself to this day is that it wasn’t my fault. 

On Tuesdays I had 5-6:15 English class with my favorite, Dr. Jones. I hated having class this late and would text my friends to make plans right after. This Tuesday was different though. I had made plans to take a walk with the boy, who I’ll call Lamont from now on to protect his identity. Lamont met me at S&T at 6:45. He took forever because he was getting his hair cut in the Harbors. Everything was so good at first. We just walked and talked about whatever. We stopped at my dorm, VC or VIrginia Cleveland Hall (s/o to the VC Cuties), so I could drop my book bag off. I came back downstairs and he said we were going to take a walk on the waterfront. 

The saying is if you walk the waterfront with someone that’s going to be who you marry. And in the moment, everything felt so right. I felt like someone was finally ready to know me for who I genuinely was and I couldn’t wait to experience it. A girl could only dream right? But, a red flag came up. We weren’t walking towards the waterfront.. but towards chapel. 

I’m not dumb, I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to think that some people actually have good intentions. And in this situation, I failed myself with this mindset. We got to the chapel and he stopped walking. I looked around and then at him and said, “This isn’t the waterfront”. He laughed and said, “I like to come here just to chill sometimes”. In my mind I’m like “Ok…perfect, he has a relationship with God”. We talked and laughed a little longer and then he kissed me. An innocent kiss. I never knew an innocent kiss was a gateway ticket to do whatever you felt like doing. 

We walked into chapel and no one was in the front area. At this time a thousand things were running through my head. “Did he want me to watch him pray or something? “How long are we gonna be here?” “Is he meeting someone else?” “He always comes in an empty chapel?”. What I remember thinking and what will always stick with me is “Should I just go now?”. 

Yes Des, leave. Of course I didn’t listen to the voice in my head.

Lamont walked towards the back hallway of the church and told me to hold on. I thought nothing of it. Well not until he asked me to come here. My nerves got bad. I asked, “What’s in here? Can we leave now?". He just kept saying, “You’ll love me for this, I promise”. Those words in itself made me uneasy. I told him I was leaving and he changed into a totally different person. He pulled me and pushed me into the bathroom. Then pinned me against the sink. All while repeatedly telling me “You’ll love me for this”. I kicked, I pushed, I screamed, I pleaded with him to let me go. His grip got tighter and I felt smaller and smaller by the second. Hopeless. He got what he wanted was all I could think of.

I didn’t tell my family for months. I didn’t press charges because I didn’t want a lot of drama coming from it. I didn’t want to be placed in the spotlight. I felt so dumb, so weak. And his messages saying “It wasn’t what you thought it was” “I just got carried away” “You can’t tell anyone” didn’t help at all. I didn’t know how to cope. I blamed myself. I did anything to not deal with it. Suppressed my feelings as much as possible. Kickback? I was there. Harbor party? I was there. Oh, you want to match? I was your girl. I turned into a “harbor girl”. I was there after every class (if I even went to class). The same girl that took 30 minutes to eat a bag of chips senior year, ate everything in sight. The same girl that cried when she got a C, finished her first semester with a 1.7. I wanted to escape from Hampton so bad and my parents wouldn’t let me simply because they didn’t know. I asked if I could drop out of school. I would call and ask for prayer randomly. I wasn’t myself and I hated it. I couldn’t get back to the old me and it was literally eating me alive. 

I finally told my parents right before Christmas. I couldn’t hide it anymore. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I told my mother. It became real to me, but it also helped me realize that I couldn’t keep hiding my feelings. I knew I wasn’t okay and I was okay with that. I put my focusing into self-healing. I prayed more. I went to class. I did my work. I joined Women’s Prayer Circle. I did all I could to pick myself up and rebuild myself. 

My second semester was my best semester. I knew my goal was to get the hell away from Hampton. For more reasons than one. And today I’m proud of myself. I pushed myself. I kept going. I may have broke down, but I got right back up. I may not have been happy or comfortable but I did it. With God’s grace, I made light of a situation that I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy. 

#It'sOnlyUpFromHere

#college #newbeginnings #God #trials